I’ve been the host of The Retirement Answer Man podcast for over ten years now. I try not to overshare my life on the show because the podcast isn’t about me. It’s about you and rocking retirement! Nonetheless, I have dropped snippets about our Colorado relocation journey over the past few years, as the process has taken a lot of unforeseen twists and turns. Recently, I realized that sharing the whole story (even though I find parts of it a little embarrassing) might be helpful to many of you who are in the same situation, either trying to relocate or realizing that you need to pivot from your original plans. So, here goes.
I visited Colorado on business decades ago. At the time, I wanted to mountain bike and raft, so I pulled out my computer and found a nearby town called Salida that looked appealing. I extended my business trip, rented a car, and drove there. I had such a great time that I continued to visit Salida periodically when travel brought me nearby. Then, in 2018, my wife Shauna joined me on a Colorado vacation, and we spent a night or two together there. To my delight, she loved it as much as I did.
At that time, we imagined we wanted to be what I called “hub and spoke” during our retirement years. We intended to maintain a permanent home in Texas (our hub) and then travel to different places where I would work for a month or two at a time. Salida would be just one of the spokes, and we imagined many others in different parts of the country. I had intentionally set up my business to be location-independent with a virtual team, so the possibilities were endless. Well, so long as they had an internet connection.
Our vision began to shift in 2019 when Shauna was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. Whenever we visited a place like Florida, she would feel horrible because of the humidity and the heat. However, when we traveled to Colorado, she felt active, healthier, and happier—the best version of herself without the aches and pains. Selfishly, I’d always loved our time in Salida because the town offered so many of my interests; now, I felt an urgency to obtain the best living situation for Shauna. We reside in Fort Worth, Texas, where it’s often hot and humid, and not just a little; it’s really, really hot and really, really humid.
Life becomes more asymmetric as you get older. Time matters more. Because of her diagnosis, Shauna was no longer sure how long she’d be able to do the things she loved to do, like golfing and hiking. The pressure to live a great life today and not deny ourselves for an uncertain future was mounting, a conundrum I had seen frequently in the lives of clients and listeners but was now experiencing for myself. How do we live life to the fullest without financially hurting ourselves when we’re eighty?
We started slowly by experimenting a bit, renting a house for month-long trips every summer and seeing how we liked it (of course, we loved it). By 2021, I desperately wanted to plant a flag in Colorado. So, we paid cash for a lot just outside of town, intending to build a house on it one day. In hindsight, the purchase wasn’t as well thought out as it should have been or could have been, and I’m a bit embarrassed about that. I consider myself a skilled retirement planner, but like everyone else, I’m in my own mix of emotions. Buying that lot was buying the mental image of what I wanted in my life and letting my emotions drive the purchase, just like you might buy an RV or a boat on a whim. You’re purchasing the item and investing in the dream of the life you envision once you have it.
Financially, it was the wrong decision, and we’ll come to why. Mentally? I still think it was the right one.
Moving on to 2022, we visited the lot with a builder and an architect to discuss the next steps in building a home, only to find out there were complications with the lot. Simply preparing it for building would cost significantly more than we expected. Had I done my due diligence, I might have realized this earlier, but I didn’t. Another lot was up for sale in the neighborhood that didn’t have the same preparation issues and had river access and great views. So, I started to do mental calculations, and we bought it, again paying cash. Then, we turned to selling the first lot (which we have yet to accomplish as of this writing) and contacting an architect.
We went through the costly, time-consuming process of creating the plans and passed them to the builder upon completion. We intended to break ground in the fall of 2023. To our surprise, the builder returned with the final estimate, which was about 50% higher than we had expected. Honestly, it helped that the estimate was so high because we knew right away that moving forward wasn’t an option, especially for a home that wouldn’t be full-time for us.
During this same interval in 2023, Shauna’s father suffered a stroke and passed away. We live about a mile and a half from Shauna’s parents and twin sister. We knew that we wanted to remain close by to support my mother-in-law as she grieved her marriage of 40 years; we intend to stay in Texas for the majority of the year for as long as she is with us.
After we had laughed off the estimate (and grieved the house design a little), we rented a VRBO for five weeks this June, 2024, and started getting excited about our family coming out for summer in Colorado. We had always looked casually at the housing market, but the situation weighed on me. What were we doing? Clearly, we would not build the house we designed for a while, maybe ten years. Salida is where we want to be. Shauna’s health issues weren’t likely to improve. So, we started looking more seriously and found a townhome that was half the cost of building from scratch. The home was bigger and in town on a green belt. We did a tour via FaceTime, put our offer on it, and the seller accepted. So, we flew up to Salida (in a snowstorm!) and walked through the house. At the same time, I sought the advice of my good friend and coach to give me perspective (something I wish I’d done with the lots). He helped talk me through my decision. I asked him, “Am I making a disastrous mistake here? Can I afford this? What can go wrong?” His outside viewpoint calmed my nerves and helped me realize we weren’t making yet another mistake. The house was everything we hoped for, and we moved ahead with the purchase (and canceling the VRBO).
We’re all standing on a teeter-totter, balancing in the middle. On one end, we want to have a great life today (especially realizing the asymmetrical nature of time as we get older), and on the other, we want to be good stewards and have a great life when we’re 80. Financial constraints are a reality for virtually everybody. There’s a balance between those two things that we’re all seeking.
I talk frequently about the importance of an agile approach to retirement planning. We must iterate on our original plan as life unfolds and circumstances change. Unfortunately, part of iterating is having to take small losses. In my case, I’ll be taking losses on that first lot, which we probably won’t sell for what we bought, and maybe even on the second lot. Once we move here permanently, we can build the house we planned for, but I don’t know if that will happen. The key for me is that these losses are annoying and embarrassing but not devastating. I am trying to find my balance just like everybody else.
As you try to find your own balance between living a great life today and tomorrow, I encourage you to remember these things.
- Recognize that we’re all making mistakes. Everybody is making mistakes. Life is supposed to be challenging. Nobody has it all figured out.
- Beat yourself up about past decisions if you need to… but then move on. Grieve your choice, but don’t waste the opportunity to learn from it.
- Debrief, debrief, debrief. Ask yourself questions like: Why did I do that? What were the drivers of my decision? What worked? What could I have done better? Allow your mistakes to improve your decision-making process.
- Life is a team sport. Ensure that you have a friend, colleague, or family member who can provide an outside perspective. Negotiation expert William Ury calls this “going to the balcony.” I’m truly honored to play this role with my clients; I might not have all the answers, but I can provide an impartial perspective.
Angela, a listener, wrote in after hearing me talk about our Colorado move on the podcast and said, “I think we are all a bit worried we’re doing life “wrong,” and everyone else is on some smooth path, so hearing your story normalized those twists and turns. Also, sometimes those decisions that seem wrong now end up bringing us to the place we’re supposed to be.” I couldn’t say it any better. As I watched 4th of July fireworks light up the sky from our rooftop, I knew in my bones I’m where I’m supposed to be. And hopefully, even if you can’t see it now, you’re on your way to where you’re supposed to be, too.