With October in full swing many people are grabbing their favorite pumpkin-spiced drink and re-watching their favorite horror movies featuring ghouls, ghosts, and other creepy supernatural creatures. However, for many people, the spookiest and scariest things in life are closer to home.
Recently, Paul Long of New Way Forward wrote an article titled “Retirement Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be (Actually, It’s Much Worse). He pointed out that on the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale, at least 20 of the top 43 stress-producing life events often take place during our retirement years. And retirement itself is #10.
When you are not prepared for what’s next, retirement and aging can be a scary time of life.
So much of our life is scripted as if all stages are linear and planned out for us. Go to elementary school, followed by middle school, and high school. But even that is not so simple anymore. One of my friends said, “It was harder for me to get my son into elementary school than it was for me to get accepted into Stanford!” While she was exaggerating, she explained the competitive and extensive application process to get into a private elementary school in San Francisco.
For each life phase we are in, we usually need to think about and prepare for the next phase. Most of us did not wait until we were seniors in high school to start thinking about college. When we are in college, we start preparing for life after college. Then we begin our careers and learn how to navigate the workplace and where we want to go in our careers. But who helps us plan for what’s after our main career? This can often feel as if we are jumping off a diving board into unknown waters.
Moreover, many people don’t plan for the non-financial aspects of retirement, and before they know it, they feel in over their head. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Mindset Matters
The good news is that whether you’re approaching retirement or currently in retirement, there are some concrete actions you can take to make this time in your life less stressful. In fact, much of my work concerns helping people make the rest of life the best of life.
The Stanford Center of Longevity has developed a New Life Map to address this whole new life phase. The map embraces the Longevity Revolution to help us live a healthy, active, and purposeful life.
According to the Retirement Coaches Association, there is a trend of people being dissatisfied and unhappy in retirement due to: lack of fulfillment, lack of relevance, lack of purpose, and loss of identity. Notice that the trends focus on what is missing and not what can be gained while being in retirement.
Dr. Becca Levy, a psychologist at Yale University, has research that indicates that we live healthier and longer –on average 7.5 years longer—if we live life with a positive mindset. She says this mindset is more impactful than stopping smoking or starting to exercise.
So how do we change our mindset about aging and retirement? An article from the New York Times in 2023 where Dr. Levy described some key actions to take.
· Notice from where your beliefs about age and retirement come. To change our beliefs, we must be aware of them. Society doesn’t make aging and retirement easy. The next time you buy a birthday or retirement card, pay attention to the messages. Many of the messages are negative while attempting to be humorous.
· Seek out role models. Dr. Levy recommends identifying at least five people who are aging and living their time in retirement that you find attractive. What are they doing that appeals to you?
· Don’t mistake forced positivity for optimism. Research indicates “optimistic women are more likely to live past 90 than less optimistic women, regardless of race or ethnicity.” This is not about thinking happy thoughts, but Levy says we need to “look at the honest reality with optimism.” We may not be able to do what we have done in the past, but the wisdom we gain from life experience can be more valuable than being able to physically do what we did when we were younger.
· Challenge your fears about getting older. Reflect on your worries about the aging process. Try not to jump to conclusions. Question your assumptions. Push back on our youth-centric society and the stereotypes associated with younger is better and older is invisible.
· Remind yourself of the benefits of aging and retirement. Focus on what you’re gaining, too. There are benefits from the flexibility and freedom that comes with retirement. Levy’s research has shown that “emotional well-being generally increases with age, and certain aspects of cognition, like conflict resolution, often improve in later life.”
Changing one’s mindset about aging and retirement is not easy. When we make decisions with intention and prepare in advance for the next phase of life, retirement doesn’t have to be spooky and scary. With a positive mindset about aging and retirement, we can see the benefits and make the rest of life the best of life.